It was my final semester of college courses for my teaching credential and my whole world seemed upside down. I thought I had become a "successful Christian" and all of life seemed on the right track. Everything fit in a box, even my conceptual understanding of God and His Son Jesus.
Then God let my box be shaken....and it fell apart. I became involved in self-righteous, self-justifying relationships that were not godly and gave me a false sense of identity and the human love I felt I wanted and needed. How could I now be dealing with sin, and why?? Wasn't I still a "good Christian who loved Jesus"?
I began to touch the selfishness still rampant in my own heart. I felt much as Augustine did during his schooling in Carthage. He later confessed, “I began to look around for some object for my love, since I badly wanted to love something….to love and have my love returned was my heart’s desire, and it would be all the sweeter if I could also enjoy the body of the one who loved me” (Confessions 3:1).
Here was God's solution for my dilemma. As with Augustine, God didn't stop my foolish choices. Just like the children of Israel in the wilderness, He let me prove to myself that being and doing things right in my own eyes didn't work. Pure and simple, I was a sinner and needed His love and forgiveness. And He didn't forsake me. Instead, once I acknowledged sin as sin and yielded to Him my hopes for love on my terms, He began to give me more than I could ever have imagined.
I learned that I'm not the first person to prove I was a sinner and needed God’s grace provided through Jesus. In fact, there is no other way to be cleansed from guilt or to become a follower of Jesus. Recently I was reading how easily Aaron, and even Moses, "became" sinners and how God did not reject them, only disciplined them with love and forgiveness. Then there's Peter who denied him three times. Denied he even knew Jesus! I think Jesus wept with Peter….and I know He wept with me.
So I joined the company of those who have proved that they are nothing without Jesus. He's the only One who can clean us up and draw us back into relationship with the living God. This is really the whole message of Christmas and why Jesus came. The reason for the season is that we are separated from God and Jesus came to reconcile us to the Father. This is the real reason for celebration!
Here’s what Augustine learned, the truth of the only true completeness (Confessions 10:6):
Then God let my box be shaken....and it fell apart. I became involved in self-righteous, self-justifying relationships that were not godly and gave me a false sense of identity and the human love I felt I wanted and needed. How could I now be dealing with sin, and why?? Wasn't I still a "good Christian who loved Jesus"?
Here was God's solution for my dilemma. As with Augustine, God didn't stop my foolish choices. Just like the children of Israel in the wilderness, He let me prove to myself that being and doing things right in my own eyes didn't work. Pure and simple, I was a sinner and needed His love and forgiveness. And He didn't forsake me. Instead, once I acknowledged sin as sin and yielded to Him my hopes for love on my terms, He began to give me more than I could ever have imagined.
I learned that I'm not the first person to prove I was a sinner and needed God’s grace provided through Jesus. In fact, there is no other way to be cleansed from guilt or to become a follower of Jesus. Recently I was reading how easily Aaron, and even Moses, "became" sinners and how God did not reject them, only disciplined them with love and forgiveness. Then there's Peter who denied him three times. Denied he even knew Jesus! I think Jesus wept with Peter….and I know He wept with me.
So I joined the company of those who have proved that they are nothing without Jesus. He's the only One who can clean us up and draw us back into relationship with the living God. This is really the whole message of Christmas and why Jesus came. The reason for the season is that we are separated from God and Jesus came to reconcile us to the Father. This is the real reason for celebration!
Out of His grace during this time, He also gave me a
family in which to heal, the family of Dr. Larry and Jackie Hale. In order to
cut housing costs, I had moved in with this family to help care for their precious
baby, Rebecca. But I was the one who
received the most care. Larry, the father of this home, prayed for me and
encouraged me to seek God's forgiveness and healing. He and Jackie loved me
with compassion, even when they saw how broken I was. Often Larry, as a father,
would sit and talk with me after dinner, giving counsel, advice, and
ministering the love and acceptance of Jesus. How good of my Father to give me a father at this time to help walk me into wholeness.
What do I love when I love my God?
Not physical beauty, or the splendor of time;
Not the radiance of earthly light, so pleasant to our eyes;
Not the sweet melodies of harmony and song;
Not the fragrant smell of flowers, perfumes and spices;
Not manna or honey;
Not limbs such as the flesh delights to embrace;
These are not the things I love when I love my God.
And yet, when I love Him, I do indeed love a certain kind of light, a voice, a fragrance, a food, an embrace.
But this love takes place in my inner person,
Where my soul is bathed in light whose brilliance is not bound by space;
When it listens to sounds that time never takes away;
When it breathes in a fragrance which no breeze can disperse;
When it taste food which by eating can’t diminish;
When it clings to an embrace which is not broken when it is fulfilled.
This is what I love when I love my God.Song: Create in Me a Clean Heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFlgIk7CXbs
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