You Whom I l Love, My Joy, My Crown

I am so grateful for the many people that my Father has given me, those "whom I love, my joy, my crown," as Paul said to the Philippians in 4:1, "Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!"

So who are my loves, my joys, and my crowns? Many of you reading this blog are some of these dear friends and much loved, too many to list. But when I look back over my life, I'd say that the ones that wrap themselves around my heart are, first of all, my loving, protective husband and supportive family, both natural and spiritual. Then tightly woven into my heart are the Nepali people generally and especially the Tharu people. There are the many students I taught over the years, both elementary school and university. There are other eternal threads woven in as well. You know about Dow and Lois Robinson, Sebastian and Lupe Vazquez, and Paul and Rebecca Petrie.

But first, let's go back to the late 1990's, Athens, Ohio. These were great years at OU. After I began Bible studies at Central Avenue Methodist church, I soon began to pick up "gals" who wanted a more in-depth understanding of what it means to follow Jesus. So we started having Bible studies in our home. There were four who became ardent in their longing for more of Jesus. It was my delight to be their companions for this leg of the journey. We would often hang out on our deck overlooking rolling hills. Steph, me, Debs, Moe and our loyal dog Bear are here. Bear always seemed to insert himself into a good picture!

Here are more pics of Steph and Moe, and then below us enjoying a visit with Katie Emmet from Boston. It seems like most of them spent time living with us in our basement at one time or another too--in the midst of life transitions.

We not only hung out together at our home, but we attended a lot of weddings together, as evidenced below when Debbie and Ken were married--we were all there to cheer. We continue to follow each other's lives on email, visits, and Facebook. One day in heaven we will again hang out together and celebrate the joy of relationships together. and with the One whom we all love the most, the One who gave His life in love for us and Father.

One gal, however, stands out and has been a kindred spirit since the first time I met her in our living room in Athens. I have to tell you about her. It's Stephanie--the same Stephanie you see above. I've been privileged to have several bosom friends over the years. Some I've already written about and others are yet to come in future blogs. But this one is about her.

Do you remember in the first story of Anne of Green Gables, her questions to Marilla?

"Marilla, she demanded presently, do you think that I shall ever have a bosom friend in Avonlea?"

"A—a what kind of friend?"

"A bosom friend—an intimate friend, you know—a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my innermost soul. I've dreamed of meeting her all my life."

Stephanie is special because she drew in so deeply to both Bill and I as we walked with her into her pathway to Father's heart. Let me tell you how we met. It was the fall of 1997. Steph had an education methods class with Moe, one of the others above and Moe told Steph about me and our Bible studies, and drove her with Debbie to our house, later to be joined by Becky. It was the beginning of a life-long friendship. She graduated, but kept in close contact. In the summer of 2001 she worked at Good Works in Athens and met her future husband, Aaron Fitch. She was in the midst of a great personal struggle and Bill and I met with her and prayed with her often. We also got to meet Aaron and saw how he was Father's provision for her. Here is a photo of Steph and Aaron a few years after their wedding. That's their pup, Tatum, who has grown to be much larger!

Here's one of my favorite pics of Steph ... and Bear. on our deck.

So how has this friendship grown over the years? We've kept in close touch via email and visits. She and the kids have come to our home in Columbus, and we have visited their home in Virginia quite a few times over the years. Aaron is a Methodist pastor and a great teacher. I still remember him teaching one Sunday on suffering. We also have loved watching Cooper and Elise grow up. Here's a photo of our visit with them last November.

In the last few years both of us have experienced unexpected physical challenges. Over a year ago we began a correspondence of daily sharing via email the things we were thankful for. Our challenges increased and we've been sounding boards for each other. Mine, as many of you know, have been several back surgeries (and perhaps another one coming up very soon), a serious life-threatening problem with my liver duct now held open with a metal stent (to be removed July 12 if it lasts that long), mobility issues limiting most activities in life, including driving and the swimming I so love. Bill has become my care-giver in ways we never anticipated.

Stephanie's challenges have been more serious with, PLS/ALS. She has lost the ability to walk and had to give up her passion with teaching. She no longer can drive and so lost that independence. She has experienced loss of strength in both hands, having to give up much of the cooking she loves so dearly. Lately, she has experienced the loss of strength in her voice. Aaron has become her amazing care-giver. We are both blessed with remarkable husbands.

So what is Stephanie's response to all this? I asked her to name her challenges. I have no words to add to hers, except to ask you to pray for her, and so close this posting with a quotation (with her permission) from an email I received this week.

Who knows which of us has a harder race to run? I don't want to compare because if do compare it is tempting to be overcome with self pity. On the flip side when I have experienced pity from others I no longer perceive myself to be worthy of respect as God's child.

You asked me to name my challenges. With each physical challenge a mental resettlement takes place, when I need time to mourn the loss of ______ (fill in the blank) physical ability and adjust mentally to a new normal. Meanwhile I try to remember God is in charge so I don't need to know why I have the loss. And I continue to be thankful for the things I CAN do. I don't inspire anyone if I focus on my losses more than what I can still do.

Some examples of physical losses and subsequent adjustments are as follows:

1. Loss of stability when walking = giving up teaching in the public school. I had a passion for teaching elementary age students but I kept falling in the classroom. Once I fell down the stage stairs as teachers and students witnessed. Therefore, I had to shift my thinking from teaching children to leading a group of adults from a wheelchair. But I gave thanks that the Lord helped me lead a wonderful Bible Study. Some group members still claim it was the best Bible Study they had ever attended.

2. Loss of strength in my legs = giving up walking and driving. I had to mentally adjust to giving up freedom to go where I wanted. I had to humble myself to get rides which was a loss of independence. I couldn't even turn over in bed without my husband's help. I've always been independent. My mom tells a story of me, at age 2, pulling a chair up to the counter to reach my bottle and trying to refill it myself. But I give thanks that my church family and friends donated a very large sum of money so we could purchase a van with a wheelchair ramp. And I also realized more fully my husband's love for me as he gets up multiple times most nights without complaint. God spoke to me through Isaiah 43:18-19, which explains that God provides streams in the wilderness.

3. Loss of strength in my voice, speech delay, slurring = giving up teaching adults. My focus became more intentional on my own kids at home where speaking loudly was unnecessary. Amazingly my own kids understand most words I say and I am not self-conscience about my speech around my kids.

4. Loss of coordination in my left hand = giving up bathing and toileting without help. This was frustrating but mostly humbling because I had to allow people to see me at my most vulnerable. But allowing myself to be helped in the bathroom has strengthened the bond I have with one of my very closest friends, because she is willing to help me with something so personal.

5. Loss of strength in both hands = delegating some dinner prep to my family. My lifelong hobby has been cooking. But I am slowly delegating more to my kids as my strength wanes. But I am seeing a shift in my kids' attitudes towards being more responsible and quick to come to my aid if I am unable to carry out a task. I PRAISE God they are not self-focused.

There are many more losses and mental shifts I have had. I don't want to dwell in that place though.

So I continue to be thankful for the things I CAN do. I don't inspire anyone if I focus on my losses more than what I can still do.

Family Are Gifts Tied Together by The Journey of Life

Our family is a gift from the Lord. Each child given is a gift, including those we lost in miscarriages and the ruptured tubal pregnancy. A loving husband is my greatest gift apart from Jesus. So this blog includes some of my favorite pics of my family, not in any time order, just the late 1990's. First a picture of my favorite (!) husband and then one of me at a river cafe in northern France on one of our sidetrips from Brussels! Here we tried to order tea with milk but our poor skills at speaking French didn't help. Finally our waitress figured it out and exclaimed with delight, "Te ole!" (Actually, "Te au lait!", but it sounded like cry of triumph.)

Our firstborn son, Jonathan Milo Leal, whose middle name belongs to his father, grandfather, and now him as well as his business (vino de Milo), is a heart treasure. Playing games is a long standing tradition, even trying out different designs with scrabble tiles lined up -- ready to fall down!

Jenny is a precious jewel in our hearts, loved from the first moment we held her, and even before as we awaited her birth. She's always been the traveller, and so we went to visit her wherever she was living. Here she is in Brussels and some of it's surrounding attractions.

She and her brother have always been friends (or is it frenemies?). Included here is a pic with Bear, the world's best dog. From their growing up years in a village in Nepal, to the current role of Jonathan as favored uncle to the favored grandsons, they always end up spending quality time together.

Speaking of Bear, you can't talk about our family without bringing out the photos of this favored dog. He loved snow, bringing home dead possums and leaving them on our porch as a gift, sleeping in Jonathan's bedroom (sometimes kicking Jonathan out of bed so he could sleep there), and jumping for whatever food Bill would give him! He was quite the acrobat. We got to love him for 13 years.

The extended family was deeply part of our lives. Bill's dad visited us in Athens, and we visited him in California. Here he is in his Zapoteco outfit, from the area in Mexico where he and Mom worked for so many years (and where Bill grew up). Also included is my sister and her kids. Here, Nancy is hugging her three kids, David, Daniel, and and Anna, and then seen jumping on our neighbor's trampoline!

So, in sum, the four of us have been friends for a long time. We've walked through a lot of life's challenges together, celebrating many graduations (seven masters and two doctorates so far), and just being family. We hold them close to our hearts and pray for them and their families every day, asking our Father to work His good in their lives. We know He's given family as a gift and we gratefully place them back in His Hands.

Incredible Students, Friends and Colleagues: The Best Things About Ohio University!

I feel so privileged to have met so many amazing people during my life at OU. Let me tell you some of my favorites from my early years there. They soon began to give PhD students to me--many of them internationals! How cool is that. I was thrilled. They were such hard workers.....and they knew I wasn't an easy prof. Working through the D word  (dissertation) was challenging. But I loved my students' perseverance and patience. We had them into our home as often as we could. My first doc student was Daniela, here with her husband and baby. Daniela was from Hungary, had married a Canadian, and was brilliant. She writes beautiful poetry today.

Khaloun was next and he was from Jordan. Then came Chin-Cheng from Taiwan, then Zubaidah from Malaysia, Pei-lin from Taiwan and Chanpen from Thailand. In between I also had amazing US PhD students like Lettie, Julie and Nadia. We not only worked together, we attended and presented at conferences together. Lettie and Julie became inseparable. I called them the marshmallow twins as they purchased matching puffy white jackets at one conference we went to. One of my joys today is to see how they continue too pursue the impartation and love of learning. My greatest joy is to see those who came alongside to follow Jesus. Lettie is now with Jesus, with a greater joy.

OK, so those were a few of my PhD students. I also had masters students and hundreds of undergrads. Even before I got involved in school partnership work, I found it so much fun to work together with students to research areas of great importance, and to publish together. Here's a group of students who helped me research the character qualities demonstrated in ALL of the Newbery award winning medal books. It was a long and hard job, but our findings were very important. We, too, went to conferences and presented these findings. Here you see Nadia, Deeder, me, Darlene, Betsy. and Julia.

Many became close, life-long friends.The top photo below are Keith and Darlene Wasserman, and their son Timothy, people we've admired over the years, as they lead the only work among the homeless of southeast Ohio. If you ever want a worthy place to make a donation, Good Works is one. Others were soon included as life-long friends.

In the middle photo below is Alice-Blake-Stalker, who welcomed us into her home when we arrived in Athens. Here in the photo we were presenting at a conference in Hawaii. They welcomed us with leis!

In the bottom photo below is Sharon Parsons; she and I began a friendship work together at East Elementary in Logan, and then moved south to Chauncey Elementary after a couple years, where she was principal for many years. She and Tom are still good friends. I had so many great friends and colleagues.

Of course, I've already talked about our life-long next-door neighbors Steve and Joan Safran. Joan was one of my first suite-mates on the second floor of McCracken, so I lived next-door to her in town, and at home. We became fast friends.

Some unique friends that became interwoven in my research studies were children's book authors. Bruce Degan and Joanna Cole, authors of the Magic School Bus series, answered my questions about their mystery genre works that made kids interested in science. I published several major studies to validate that. And I took my students to hear and meet them. Sometimes I enjoyed a meal with them. I attended a Children's Highlights conference with Sharon Creech, author of Walk Two Moons and other award winning books, too. My students especially loved meeting and talking with Gary Paulsen, author of the Hatchet series, and so many other books.

Then there were more visits with my famous young friends Michael and Maeghan Kearney, the genius kids. Their parents, Kevin and Cassidy, came too. Their parents wrote a book about them called The Accidental Genius.

A recent photo connects this distant past to the present. Last month I had the joy of being shown around the new and remodeled McCracken building where I used to teach. It's beautiful! But the most beautiful part was being shown around by two of my former doctoral students, Susan Nolan and Julie Francis, both who now teach and work for OU. Susan is an Associate Lecturer, and Julie just recently moved back from Rhode Island to accept the position of Director for the new Ed Stevens Literacy Center in McCracken Hall. I will be donating my collection of award winning children's books to this Center to see that these great books find their way into more children's lives and hearts.