"Wrinkles in Time:" Releasing our Children to the Journey Father Knew They Would Take

John 20:31

But these things are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name

When your hopes and dreams change colors and directions, even disappear, it’s like a wrinkle in time (Madeline L'Engle) when you are transported to a place you never thought you'd be.

Pieces of life disappear and there are new joinings. Can you get back what was lost? This posting will be an honest confession, one some of you may not want to read. For me what happened touched the very heart of who I was (see blog posting from 12-23-2014 below). I knew something deep was breaking to pry me loose from my expectations, and that it would take time and endurance for me to see and cooperate with what Father was doing in my son, and in me—and to learn to breathe in His Spirit in a new way.

Here’s what happened: As Jenny entered her first year at Covenant College, Jonathan was in his senior year. He was the Bagpipe editor, the school newspaper, and a well respected friend and leader. However, in the fall, he was expelled for a violation of their conduct code. But, that part of the story is his to tell, not mine. When he called to tell us, our hearts broke with his and we wept together. Jonathan wrote me an email recently recounting that "this was likely the most traumatic event in my life, by far.” We were heartbroken for him and disturbed by the lack of clarity and consistency in how the college handled both the situation and him. But we welcomed him home, wanting to love him and walk with him as he sorted through what to do next.

This event was not expected, but rather a “wrinkle in time” that moved us onto the heart transplant list for all of us with hurting hearts. We needed a “bridge” to the other side, for him and for ourselves.

We still had many good friends in Oklahoma, especially one man named Richard McAfee, who was a good listener and gifted counselor. We all thought Jonathan could be helped by a new environment and new people to love him, listen to him and help. A family there opened their home and gave him a bedroom. He soon got jobs ... he went through several different ones over the next few years, and settled into life in Oklahoma City. After delivering pizza one night he was robbed and mugged. Then there was a incident with a bike accident involving one of his host's children that could have been handled better. This was the second time in a year that Jonathan felt betrayed by those he trusted.

Finally, there was the Timothy McVeigh bombing in Oklahoma City that killed 168 and injured 600. Jonathan was working at one of the newspapers when the Oklahoma City bombing took place. He had the job of interviewing some of the survivors with children. All these things left him ready to move back home. With us at Ohio University then, it seemed like the best place for him to be next, a place where he could finish his BA, live at home with room and board provided, be surrounded by a loving family, and a wonderful dog named Bear. But that’s ahead of this story.

Meanwhile ... my heart was churning and crying out. I didn’t understand what Father was doing. It was easy at times to feel guilty, that perhaps this was our fault as imperfect parents (indeed we were). Yet perhaps this was what I needed to become less of a “son (daughter) of thunder” (Mark 3:14-17) and more a representative of His love. So I started, deeply, to let go of my expectations for my kids (and others too). They are not mine to manage just to love.

I began to lean back into the journey He knew they would take. I’m still leaning and learning this today. And I know that He is still faithful, always good, that He began a good work in each of them and will complete it. His Father’s heart and love never stops ... for any reason. I may not live to see it, but I am living to see them loved as much as I can, with all my heart. It is all I can do. Daily I offer them back to Him who first thought of them, made them, and called them into this life. They are His, always deeply loved by our Heavenly Father through Christ Jesus. And I am so thankful for both of them.

Songs for this season: Change My Heart, Oh God and There is None Like You. Here are the words to the second one. Our grandsons just learned it and we now sing it around the dinner table.

There is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like you do.
I could search for all eternity long, and find there is none like You.

Statement of truth and prayer for this season: Philippians 1:8-10:

God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus (yes, I seek to long for my children with the affection of Christ Jesus). And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ.

Many Memories--Just Discovered Pics of Students I Have Taught from Oklahoma to Kentucky

Going through my 50-year-old suitcase full of memories, I found an envelope marked "Kids." When I opened it I found dozens and dozens of photos of students I have taught over they years--kids I have loved and still do. Some of them are even reading this blog post and now have their own kids!

First Photos--Oklahoma

Starting out in Oklahoma, the top left is the K-1 class I taught for Covenant Life School in Oklahoma City. The rest were all taken with kids I have taught at New Covenant Academy in Norman, Oklahoma. I love them all and smile to realize how many I still know and love. Grace and Joseph Wu, Daniel and David Hazelton--you were really buddies then and now friends for life.

The next photos involved things we studied in all the classes I have taught. You may remember Father Alphabet and all his 26 kids. Studing the character qualities that were those of Jesus was a daily part of our classes, in stories, verses and song. I can still sing them, can you?

Second Photos--Lexington, Kentucky

These next photos below are wonderful memories of much loved students and things we did together. The top left is me teaching kids the difference between voiced and unvoiced sounds so they could learn how the sounds of plurals differ in cats and dogs (s and z sounds). The second photo is just the class being silly!

The middle photos were reenactments of books the classes were reading for our year long curriculum. My 2nd graders were reading the Little House Books, by Laura Ingalls Wilder, and here the boys were acting out Farmer Boy. The other crew, 3rd graders, were reading the Narnia Series, by C.S Lewis, and it looks like they were acting out Prince Caspian or was it The Silver Chair? We had some amazing discussions! We used these books to learn all subject areas, including reading, writing, spelling, math, science, social studies, art, even PE and music and cooking!

The bottom left picture is very special. A doctor's wife had given birth to quadruplets. However, two of them were greatly at risk of not living. They had asked people to pray. Our classesat NCA decided to pray and ask Jesus to spare the life of all four kids. They prayed daily and rigorously before the Lord, and all four survived. When the doctor and his family heard about this class, they brought the quads in for the class to see the kids they prayed for. Later, this doctor, Dr. Blevins, was the doctor who did reconstructive surgery on Jenny's nose. It was a gift he gave back. Isn't God good?

The bottom right photos is of our Christmas celebration, also very special. Every year we made a birthday cake for Jesus and sang Happy Birthday to him with great joy.  Then we shared a piece of the cake. We saved one piece of cake for Jesus and we all took one small bite of His, since we were His body. We also brought gifts of food to give to those poorer than us.

Books were very important in my class. We read aloud every day from many different genres. And then I supervised all the students up through grade 8 authoring their own books. The last year we entered them in several contests, both local and national. Amazingly, they won numerous awards. Locally they took almost all the awards in the city, and several in the state. Two of them won top ten award books in Landmark's annual "Written and Illustrated by" book awards for students--Jonathan DeHaan in fourth grade and Daniel Hazelton in third grade. They did so well. I hope they are still writing today! I know one is, because she has written me lengthy letters every year. Emily Sallee (Owen) now has 9 kids of her own and is raising her own group of readers and writers.

Then there was the amazing Vicki Mitchell who helped out in my classroom and was a huge support in any way I needed.She is the one who organized the surprise party for me after my last year of teaching these kids. She is also in the photo with Sarah, and husband David, doing her research presentation on cats.....and little brothers who came along to help! I still miss her.

The last class I taught, a second-third combination of 25 students, became very special. We did so many fun things together, in class and out. At the end of the year I presented each child with a framed award recognizing the different character traits I saw growing in their lives (I included that photo twice--must be important!). Connie Jirak, Jack's mom and one of my amazing teaching assistants was there to see that help.  I see Bettie Ann Monroe, Benjamin's mom, in the photo next to Connie too. 

Then, remarkably before Facebook, we had some class reunions where we got together just to be together and catch up. You can see how they have grown. And now they each have their own destinies and families and loved ones. I love hearing from them and hope many of them get to see these memories.

I have been so blessed with amazing students over the years, from kindergarten through university. God's goodness is evident in each one and in my heart and life.

Miracles and Honors: Significant People and Events that Shaped Our World

How do you start to tell of significant people and events that shaped your world? I will tell you about the years of 1988-1991 and those events that shook our world and helped clarify our lives for the future. Besides the Berlin wall being taken down, more than a million people demonstrated in Tiannamen Square and the the Hubble telescope was launched. For a nice summary of world events going back to 1970--the year Jonathan was born, check out World Events.

You've heard about the dissertation friends and the loyal, courageous daughter, but first, I just uncovered some letters written to dear friends Martin and Diedre Bobgan (they saved ALL our letters and newsletters and just gave them to us last year!) about the dissertation event. I told you about when I was asked who wrote my latest submission? In a letter written in April, 1991, this is what I wrote after they asked me to explain who had written this:

When they asked me to explain, I told them that people had been praying for me. One of the committee members said, "I'm not a religious person and I don't believe in divine intervention in a dissertation program, but if there was, this would be a miracle." This hurt deeply because I felt like I had failed the Lord, that these people would judge my character to be so deceitful. Needless to say, much more prayer was offered up and they apparently decided to stop the accusations and never brought it up again.

In conversations afterwards, one co-chair said several times that,

....she had never seen a defense go so well. She said I was poised in my presentation (I was so nervous I had diarrhea all morning, and it was really the grace of God she saw but did not recognize), and that never had she seen in a defense with no major revisions. Within a week the final copies were turned into the graduate school office. And now they want to turn it in for a national student research award. None of this makes human sense to me, but the Lord is King and Ruler of the Universe.

Another major event that shook our world was when Bill's mom had a brain anuerism and within 15 minutes had gone into the Presence of the Lord. This was a big loss for all of us, especially Bill's dad. After 54 years of marriage it was a shock, covered by grace and daily adjustments. It happened just a couple of weeks after they had come to visit us. It also happened when I was being given my comps (oral exams). As Jonathan wrote, we both passed with flying colors. However, her colors are much, much more brilliant! Here are reflections written by Jonathan and myself about this amazing woman, Mary Carter Leal (Grandson Joshua Carter Lin is named after her). It was printed in the Covenant College student newspaper.

Another major event and memory involved our two children, who worked over one summer delivering newspapers in the early morning. When our anniversary arrived, they honored us by presenting us with a 3 night, 4 day trip to Cancun, Mexico, hotel and flight included. It was a lovely trip. The beaches were gorgeous, the hotel was classical Mexican with beautiful tile work, and close by was one of the best taquerias Bill had ever been to.

What an amazing surprise. When we told them they should keep the money for college, they refused. A friend encouraged us to allow them to create this memory, so we did. You can see us below in one professional shot and then another enjoying time together.

For those of you who enjoy details, below you'll find our annual newsletters for three years. There's even a quiz in the second one and recipes for life in the last one!

1988-1989

1989-1990

1990-1991

A Woman with Much Courage: Our Amazing Daughter

While my last blog post chronicled the dissertation years, many other significant events happened. This post features our amazing daughter, a great support to me then and now, in so many ways.

During these years I was watching my one and only daughter, Jenny Lynn, become a young woman. These years were very significant for her. One of the first things that happened during these years was Jenny's decision to follow Jesus through baptism. Dow and Bill both listened to her words and her heart.

The most "shapely" thing included two nose surgeries, by Dr. Blevins, that took bone from her hip to strengthen her nose. (She gave her OK with showing you this photo of her in the hospital.) She was very brave. She always has been. She still is. We are grateful for her strong will to push through difficult times.

After high school graduation at 16 (photos below), Jenny took off for Oklahoma to live with good friends Mike and Jonee McKee for the school year. Mike, a lawyer with much experience, had agreed to apprentice Jenny in his office in Norman, Oklahoma, to see if she wanted to pursue a career in law (she decided against that choice after learning all it meant). Meanwhile, at home, Jenny learned sewing skills from wife Jonee and got to help care for their three sons, Kurt, Frederick, and Stephen--all still amazing in different ways.

After this year, Jenny followed in her brother's footsteps to Covenant College in Lookout Mountain, Georgia. This was the year Jonathan left school, in his senior year--another story for another post.

One summer she and we hosted an international student, a French girl living in Burkina Faso. En-route to visit a horse farm, Jenny had more than a little fender bender. A kind couple took them from the crash scene to their home and horse farm to make phone calls and tend to Jenny's head cuts. Jenny had to have a few stitches at a local and hospital. We gave thanks to God that nothing serious resulted for either of them. They later got to tour the couple's farm instead of the one they were heading for when the accident happened.

Here are a few photos of Jenny with the family who loves her so very much. During these years, Muffy, our poodle pup of ten years, died quite suddenly. Bill, Jonathan and Jenny went out at Christmas and brought home a cocker spaniel pup for my Christmas present. I named him Lev Vygotsky, after a famous educator (he's in my dissertation!). We called him "Lev" for short. He was a beautiful dog that we had for several years.

Jenny continued her studies at Covenant College through her senior year, earning a BA in History with minor in English, and making lifelong friends. Her next years brought fresh adventures involving group home work and moving to Belgium. Tales for another time!

Surrounded by Committed Friends: Survival During the Dissertation Years

“Surrounded by committed friends” is how I would describe our final three years in Lexington. Let me describe them now. May you who read this be blessed with friends such as I have had.

After leaving teaching and the children whom I loved so much, I, with the help and support of my husband and family, jumped into a doctoral program that was both frightening and full of God’s grace. The most frightening part was statistics. God’s grace came in the person of good friend Mary Fleming, PhD in statistics, who tutored and helped me learn--and actually get an A in all those courses. But, of course, today all I can do is use it to understand stats that I read and not actually do them. Back then, we did a lot the old fashioned way with paper and pencil and sometimes plain old calculators. We also used SPSS and Excel to figure means and standard deviations and produce correlations with charts and graphs.

The most fun part was all the courses I got to take in children’s literature with Anne McConnell who had served on both Newbery and Caledcott committees. I gained a new love of children's books through her courses. Then as a grad assistant over the years, I got to teach a few courses and make sure the reading clinic ran smoothly. Barb Stinnett became another good friend during these days as we worked together in courses and in clinic and as she helped me code the children's responses for inter-rater reliability for the dissertation.

Being an eager beaver, I finished all my courses and what I thought was a good dissertation in two years. I did something rather unusual too. I decided I wanted to have co-chairs of my committee to draw on the expertise of two amazing people well recognized in their professions: Dr. Connie Bridge and Dr. Linda Levstik. When I presented the dissertation to the committee, including Dr. Peter Winograd, they very kindly told me that it needed a lot of work, and to plan another year. My heart sank, but I yielded to this new turn in the road.

I worked hard at revising all five chapters. Every time I revised a chapter, I gave it to each of the co-directors of the dissertation (and to the other committee members when I needed their input). They reviewed it, made their comments, and returned to me to make changes. UNFORTUNATELY, they each had different advice for what needed to be changed. So I would change something that would satisfy one, but not the other.

FORTUNATELY after many rewrites, my chairs realized we needed to meet together to discuss changes. During this time, I was learning to become a good writer (writing for academia is very different than all the narrative work I had previously written and published). BUT during one meeting, unexpectedly one of them (FORTUNATELY I don't remember which one) asked me, “Who helped you rewrite this? It’s too good to be yours.” I broke down in tears and told them that I wrote it. But it felt close to being charged with fraud. Besides, by this time my dear husband and friends were getting tired of hearing about this ongoing writing project.

Here’s where the "friend that sticks closer than a brother" part plays the all important role. During our first years in Lexington, I had joined a faithful group of ladies who were meeting weekly to pray for Paul and Rebecca Petrie (as I mentioned in a previous blog post, they had moved to Brussels). Now, during this difficult time in my journey, they graciously began to pray earnestly for me too. I felt so very humbled. Below is a photo of them at my graduation party: Patricia, Judy and Catherine.

So what does it mean to be a friend? DEAR, dear friend Catherine began not just to pray, but to take time off from her own work to walk the halls of UK outside my committee meeting rooms to pray for me on site. She wrote her prayers out, and I still have and treasure them. She laid down her life for me in a way I'd never before experienced. I wrote that she "was a stabilizing influence that cannot be measured in human terms." Very soon after this, God began to turn things around and I made progress and could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

But there was still the defense of the dissertation that loomed on the horizon. Of course, I knew both Bill and Catherine would be there praying. The morning of the defense as I was praying, I asked God for 5 smooth stones, like David had, to slay the giant named Dissertation. And He quietly said, “This is not the giant. It is only the bear you got to practice on.” I knew then that He had prepared me well and I had a wonderful discussion with my committee during the defense. Soon after this, I was walking down the aisle in cap and gown to receive my diploma.

For those of you interested in the research (otherwise, jump to the next paragraph!), my dissertation examined children’s responses to three types of text during peer group discussions. I read three different stories (fiction, non-fiction and informational storybook) to classes in grades 1, 3, and 5. I recorded their peer group conversations at three different points, transcribed them, and then analyzed each of the thousands of comments in six different ways. You really don’t want to know the details! But, it yielded published articles in three highly-recognized peer-reviewed journals of literacy. If you do want to know more, just ask; I’ll send you the links!

The day of graduation was full of fun and a party at our house. Here are some of the key players celebrating with me. From left (include my two chairs who didn't give up on me): Dr. Connie Bridge, friend Melinda, Dr. Linda Levstik, me, and in front is friend Barb Stinnett. Jonathan supervised the yummies and we all enjoyed the cake.

When all was said and done, Bill surprised me with a big party where everyone was asked to bring the ugliest earrings they could find. Here are a few samples.

 

  

I am so grateful to God for the time spent at the University of Kentucky, for the multitudes of people who helped in so many ways. Without the cheerleaders of husband, kids, friends, and pastor Dow Robinson, I would have lost courage. The dissertation itself was dedicated "to the children, whom I carry on my heart." Here's the diploma that my husband had engraved in wood for me.

Many other events were woven into these years ... all records of God's goodness and faithfulness above all else. Jesus is my Friend that has never let me go, who still holds it all together by the Word of His Power. Here's one of my favorite songs -- Above All by Michael W. Smith

Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what you're worth

Crucified
Laid behind the stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way.....