The Complicated Maze of Teen Friendships

The early teen years were full of normal life activities, insecurities, and a continual search for belonging. I tried hanging out with the "popular" kids. My mom even arranged a birthday party for me at my Aunt Hazel's house. I invited a bunch of them to come....and they did. My aunt had a beautiful home and always welcomed me and my friends. Anyway, they all gave me bracelets....which I didn't wear.....until then. It was at this party that I realized that there were "cliques" of kids and no way "in" unless you followed their unwritten rules.

I found little in common with their goals. Their goals seemed to be to look cool, dress cool, and demonstrate their coolness to others. Plus all of this cost money which I didn't have. But I tried. I went to dances to meet boys--see Joshua's picture below of me dancing with a boy and two other friends (Grandson Joshua recently turned five).

I listened and tried to be a friend, but hanging out with them didn't satisfy my heart's desires or make me that popular. All they wanted to talk about was who was cool, who wasn't, and what it meant to look, dress and act cool. Even then I was looking for something more, for friends who would talk about the rest of life and learning and the world, and how I fit into it all. I didn't know yet that this was a deeper search for the heart of my Heavenly Father.

Gratefully, in the midst of realizing that I didn't fit, I encountered some REAL friends, many with whom I am still friends today. I entered a season of hanging out with these new friends, talking on the phone, sometimes for hours...and having fun together. Here are two pictures from junior high--first of Terry Morris, now Cleary, at my home with me and my mom.

 

This next photo is of my friends, at yet another party at my aunt's house. OK, all you "old" friends, can you find yourself or should I list who I remember??!! I know Patti Boe is first up, then me while I still had two good legs. I see Terry at the end, right after my little sister, but I'm not sure of the rest.

Here's a couple more pics of some good friends. The top one I took in the courtyard of Clark Junior High soon to become Crescenta Valley High School, and the second was in the front yard of my house after a slumber party during ninth grade. Let's see, here are my best guesses--Top photo below: Karen Marvin, Carol Martin, Judy Kraii behind Bonnie Marshall, Patti Boe, Bonnie and Dorothy Witt. Bottom photo below: Bonnie Marshall, Linda Gardner, Carol Martin, me, Patti, Marj, Bonnie and??? How many did I get right?

When we all graduated from Clark Junior High in 1960, the Glendale Public Schools decided to create a new high school for our area. They did this by turning my Junior High into the new Senior High. The new name of the school was to be Crescenta Valley High School or CVHS. Some of the history can be found at this link: Crescenta Valley High School History. They did it gradually, so my grade was always the highest. So in tenth grade there was only one grade--mine! Then another one was added each year until it was 10th-12th grades.

Many other things were going to be new and different starting in 10th grade, things I couldn't yet imagine. During the summer following graduation I was to have surgery on both my legs. My whole life was about to change....radically. A friend recently asked me if I had to choose just three, what would be the major events in my life? While the divorce was big, it was not as big as what was about to happen...my first life-changing and life-defining event, and finding true life-long friends.

Ray Bradbury: Meeting a Famous Author Who Read My Story! Thank you, Miss Sargeant!

I had one amazing English teacher in junior high. Miss Sargeant taught me to love writing. She taught the class to write many different genres--even poetry! I was especially blessed because I had Miss Sargeant as a teacher for English in both 7th and 9th grades. I don't know if she hand-picked all of us for her 9th grade class, but I know she was God's provision in helping form my love for reading and writing today.

During 9th grade she told us we were going to have a contest to see who could write the most well-crafted and creative story. I wrote my story, and dramatized it, about the snake bite incident. I know it went through many revisions, and I was very proud of this long autobiographical novelette. I don't remember how many pages it was, but all our stories were like little novels to us who were just learning the craft.

She built up the contest and told us a famous mystery author would be reading the stories and giving a prize for the best one. Our stories went through many revisions and there was much excitement. While my story was not chosen, the fact that Ray Bradbury (her good friend!) had read my story and commented on it was awesome to know! Of course, I didn't appreciate who he was until much later.

We planned a big Author's Party (long before such an event was popular) and Ray Bradbury came and talked to us all about what it's like to be an author. Now I wish I remembered more about what he said about my story--and wish I still had my story. It was a wonderful party, though I have to confess I was disappointed that my story didn't win the award! But how thankful I am to have learned so much about writing at this early age.

Ray Bradbury's Biography

      

Queenie's Death Sentence

With our own home, we were now able to get our own dog. The first dog we had we named Waggy, but for some reason he didn’t stay long. He was black and white and scruffy. The second dog we named Queenie, She was a large yellow lab mix, we think. We loved her dearly. We had her for many years. I remember when writing a story for my English class on "My Best Friend" that I chose to write about Queenie. I'm not sure what I said but the teacher chose it to display on the class bulletin board.

          One time Queenie gave birth to the nine puppies -- the ones you see in the photo below (I must have been about 14 years old cuz I still had two good legs). I was the midwife and got to be there and watch them all being born, including the last little runt that didn’t live longer than a few days. Queenie was a great mother too. She was awesome. We named her babies and the names are written on the back of this photo (my memory's not THAT good!): Stinky, Tiny, Princess, Mittens, Furocious, Lightning, Midnight, Skunky and Cutie Pie.

The hardest thing for Queenie, and us, was she had to be chained up while we were gone. In our yards there were no fences. The brick wall, behind me and the pups in the picture, was built up up to a long driveway that was parallel to our yard and house. The driveway, of course, belonged to the house next door......that happened to have a very small yappy dog. 

          This one small dog, NOT on a chain, was capable of tormenting Queenie with her incessant barking day after day. Well, sadly, one day Queenie got loose, broke her chain, and jumped up over the brick wall. She grabbed the small dog that had aggravated her for years and nearly killed it. We had to have Queenie put down after that….a very sad day for us all. We never got another dog after that. 

            I felt pretty angry inside about losing Queenie. It didn't seem fair that she had to die when the other dog had tormented her for so long. If only the other dog had been restrained, but it wasn't. If only Queenie's chain had been stronger, but it wasn't. As I look back and wonder what God was doing in my heart to prepare me to trust Him, I think I was beginning to learn that I couldn't live by "If onlys." I was soon going to learn to trust the God's "Only" Son.

             Queenie and her nine pups by Ethan Milo Lin:

"This is the Best Book I've Ever Written....Tears.....I Mean Wrote.....More Tears......I Mean -- Read": Changes, Challenges and Family Explorations

One year before our move, I had to give a book report in front of the whole class. It was hard for me to talk in front of the class. It made me feel dizzy. This time we had to do it on the stage of the school auditorium. My book was Rudyard Kipling's Just So Stories. I was so nervous and flustered that in my concluding remarks I mistakenly said, "This is the best book I've ever written." Everyone laughed and laughed. I thought I must have used the wrong verb tense and corrected myself with, "This is the best book I ever wrote." More gales of laughter. With a very red face I finally realized what I had said wrong and hurriedly corrected myself with, "This is the best book I've ever read," and ran off the stage, probably in tears. 

This book report was when I only had one class and one teacher. Our move to LaCrescenta was a huge change in life and happened right before starting Clark Junior High School. This move from one city to another meant leaving behind friends and making new ones. This is hard to do at 12 years old. Instead of one class I now had six and they all had different kids in them. I felt pretty insecure and overwhelmed not knowing anyone. But it turned out to be a good school.

Another challenge was the long walk to school and back. It was over a mile walking each way (I checked out the distance at googlemaps.com). Back in those days there were no school buses. Sometimes my mom would drop me off early on her way to work. Then I'd sit outside and read a book until the school opened. Most of the time I walked both ways. 

No, there was no snow, and it was not uphill both ways! But our home was in the foothills of California! I did this walk even when I broke my leg -- which happened quite a few times. One mile up and one mile down. I wish I had a picture of walking up that steep street, Pennsylvania Avenue that led to Alabama St. It was a longgg walk every day, especially carrying books and homework. 

          

Other changes started happening too.This was the beginning of my teenage years, years of the “hormonal fog.”  I was a real teen, loved Ricky Nelson and Pat Boone, learned all the top songs, went to school dances, was enjoying junior high and making new friends. I was creating what I thought was a good life. Little did I know what life changing event was to happen between junior and senior high school.

Meanwhile, during these junior high school years, I would often get angry at my mom or sister and acted quite selfishly. I don’t know why, but I did. Plus I didn’t like it when my dad would call from Chicago and they would have screaming matches on the phone. We'd all end up crying then. My dad never sent any financial support for us after we left Chicago so they probably fought about that too. But my mom did start making my sister and me write letters to my dad, even if he didn't answer. When he did answer, his responses were distant or negative.

My mom made made some pretty great changes for us too. She started taking us on family outings. Every summer we would go some place to camp out. Crestline was the closest and we sometimes went there in winter when it snowed too. Sometimes Mom's boyfriends would come with us. We visited many state parks, including Yosemite and Sequoyah State Park. Disneyland and Knotts Berry Farm were also favorite places to go.

Here's a photo of Queenie and me during one of our Crestline trips. I remember being unhappy about going on this vacation because I had to go in one of my many leg casts. But I'm so glad our mom took us on vacations and took pictures!  No "selfies" back in those days.

          One summer we went to Carpinteria State Beach and slept in a tent near the train tracks. Nancy and I experimented with putting pennies on the track and watching how they got flattened. We sometimes had to search for our treasured penny, buried in the sand. We didn't know this was illegal! 

           Another time at Carpinteria we heard a sudden hoard of people descend on the beach and discovered it was for grunion hunting. We'd never heard of it, but learned about it that night! If you want to learn more about California Grunion hunting, try out this link to see some pictures: California Grunion Hunting.

A Frugal, Amazing Mom, a Perfect House, and New Friends: The Good Years

             My mother was pretty frugal with money and taught us early how to earn and save money from our allowance. She set a very good example for us. By the time I was 12 she had saved enough money for a down payment on a small two bedroom house.  We looked at many houses, but the one that we all liked was at 3323 Alabama Street in La Crescenta, California. The small backyard also had a small fig tree, but Nancy and I didn't like them as much as mom did. 

           It was like a miracle to have a place of our own. Nancy and I got to share a bedroom while Mom had her own bedroom for the very first time in her life. She bought a washing machine, and we all took turns hanging the clothes out to dry. Nancy and I had a chore list for each day of each week. It was how we earned our allowance. It also taught us responsibility.  We also earned money with good grades. Mom used to pay us $1 for each A we brought home. That was great motivation!

DOROTHY AND NANCY’S CHORE LIST

Today I Will:	M	T	W	TH	F	S	S
Make bed
Brush teeth
Pick up room
Set or clear the table
Wash or dry dishes
Do homework
Practice Music
Be Helpful

        
          Having a house was a real source of stability. We even got a dog, but more about her later. Mom did some amazing things for a single parent back in those days. She made sure we had things that would prepare us for life. She taught us to sew (Nancy and I are both accomplished seamstresses still). She even arranged for us to have piano lessons (Nancy took accordion). Every day we would have to practice one-half hour. That wasn't always fun, but we had a good teacher and I'm so glad I learned to love music through these years--getting to know the piano and great music composers and compositions. Mom also purchased and had installed a tether ball that Nancy and I spent many hours playing in the backyard. My arms got strong punching that ball around the pole!      

         We began to live a fairly normal life--like other kids our age, except without a Dad. We soon got to know kids from the neighborhood and I began doing some babysitting. I remember one family on the corner who had twin girls named Patty and Betty. They always wore the matching outfits except different colors. Patty wore Pink and Betty wore Blue--makes remembering names easy too!   When I left for college, Nancy took over sitting for them. I remember they always had the fridge full of good treats we could eat while there. 

          These were the good years full of friends and family. Aunt Hazel and Uncle Bert were still very active in our lives, providing loving hugs and lots of fun. They cheered us on in every way they could, and of course, cheered our amazing mom on. I wish you could have known my mom. I wish I could have really known her. I only know now how much she truly did for us and gave of herself. She was a gift from God then....and now.

            Below is the floor plan for our house on Alabama St. It was small but seemed huge to us. Mom even added a wooden patio cover roof and left an opening for the light to shine through. She was very proud of it. When Nancy and I visited the place a few years ago, it didn't look any different than 50 years ago--except the yard isn't as beautiful as when Mom had geraniums bordering the whole yard. You can see a photo of the house today on google maps: 
https://www.google.com/maps/@34.2359518,-118.251639,3a,51.2y,13.89h,90.82t/data=!3m4!1e1!3m2!1sEHLsRWPy2kBj-dDSs5k-bg!2e0!6m1!1e1  

            

Choosing the Lesser, Getting the Better Plus The Horrible Shoebox Disaster, the Ten Cent Coke, and the Good Shepherd

Choosing the Lesser, Getting the Better: I recently remembered something that happened in 4th or 5th grade. We were putting on a class play and were asked to choose which part we wanted to play. The teacher had us write out the name of our choice and then she would assign us. I knew I didn't want the lead role and figured all the popular kids would get it. I was right. But it seems that all the girls wanted the lead part and chose that. I was the only one who chose the second important role. When the teacher told the class about it, she pointed out that "Dorothy was the only one to choose the lesser role, and therefore got it." The other girls were all disappointed that they didn't get it, except for the one who did, whose name was Wray. I was glad she got it. I was a little intimidated that I got the role of "Pinky" the girl who helped the lead actress in the play, and a little afraid. I didn't like talking in front of people. It now reminds me of what Jesus said in Luke 9:23-24, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it." I wasn't yet Jesus' disciple, but He was teaching me what it meant to let others have the star role and I take the lesser role.

The Horrible Shoebox Incident: There’s another event that impacted me in my last year of elementary school.  My sixth grade teacher was pretty harsh to everyone and had a shrill voice. I won’t tell you her name. But because my mom worked all day, I came to school early and stayed late. I offered to help my teacher however I could. One day she gave me a shoe box full of jars with different colored stones in them. She told me to clean them all out. I set to work and carefully emptied the stones from each jar in a different pile. I was just going to wash the jars when I heard my teacher yelling my name.

 Art work by Ethan Lin

When she saw what I had done she started yelling at me. She thought I had deliberately disobeyed her. As she had given me no further instructions on how exactly I was to clean it out, I assumed she meant to clean jars and the box. But she only wanted the box cleaned and jars put back in. I didn't even know the box was dirty! I had really wanted to help her, but ended up being more afraid of her than ever. We were both crying. I know now I made a wrong assumption and should have asked for more specific directions. It’s not the last time this kind of thing happened, as you will learn.

However, one good thing from these years, perhaps from her class, is I decided to start writing books. My first book was "All About the Planets." There was one page for each planet along with the sun. There was one picture for each, showing how far each one was from the sun. It was simple and stapled together. Wish I kept it!

Apparently I had this ability to not think through my actions early on. We had occasionally begun going to a Methodist Church. Nancy and I attended Junior Church when Mother went to big Church. I remember one Sunday when I was about 11 or 12. A friend and I snuck out of the building and went to the corner drugstore to get a ten cent coke. We sat and talked and then walked back before church was over. I felt so guilty afterwards, I told my mother…..and never did that again.  
   

      I also remember being impacted by a story at Junior Church. It was a story Jesus told about a shepherd looking for a lamb who got lost. I don’t remember how the story was told, only that I felt God’s Presence draw near again and remind me He loved me even when I messed up or did things wrong. I felt like I was that lost lamb and He reassured me He would always find me whenever I got lost.

"Being So Scared I Froze Up Completely” -- Next Time Yell "Dad"

During this time, when I was probably about 11, my sister and I had a traumatic experience for us. Nancy was about 7 or 8. Mom had gone into a store to get something and we were in a large parking lot, sitting in the back seat of our car waiting for her, when a man we didn’t know came up to our car. He wanted us to roll down our window. We knew that was not a good idea. 

NEVER TALK TO STRANGERS OR 

DO WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO!

          Then he exposed himself to us. With my heart racing, --Nancy said she “was so scared I froze up completely,” I grabbed Nancy’s hand, opened the opposite car door from where the man was standing. Holding Nancy’s hand, we both ran as fast as we could toward the store.   

Nancy remembers me yelling “Mom!” at the top of my voice. I don’t remember yelling, just running and holding on to her. I’m not sure what happened after that, but I’m pretty sure the man ran away too. And mom told us next time to yell “Dad” cuz that would scare someone away faster than just “Mom.” Again, we were protected by the Father we did not yet know. 

          Here’s a picture about that time—probably a small birthday party. Nancy is in the front middle smiling and I’m right behind her in the striped dress. Connie, Wray, and Valerie are in the back row with me. Linda and Janie are in front with Nancy. Amazing how childhood friends' names stick.

            

Yikes! I Was Bit by a Snake at Camp: Blue Racer or Side Winder? God Again Spares My Life

The summer after fifth grade, I attended a Camp Fire Girls’ Camp. We slept in cots outside of the tents under the beautiful stars. It was a lot of fun – until one night when a large snake curled up on the end of my sleeping bag. I saw him, knew he was there and was afraid to move. He just stayed there like it was his home. But I was afraid and didn't move for probably an hour. When I did try to get out of the sleeping bag, the snake bit me twice – once on my knee and the other time on the bottom of my foot as I escaped. I cried out and went to find my camp counselor. She didn’t believe me until she saw the snake still on my cot. Then she nearly fell over backwards trying to get away.

After that they tied my leg in a tourniquet and took me to an ER, or whatever the equivalent was back in those days. When we got there, they made cuts at the sites of the bites and tried to drain the blood before taking off the tourniquet. Afterwards they said it was probably a nonpoisonous Blue Racer, but they took extra care in case it was a poisonous one around that area, like a Sidewinder, and because the snake was quite large.

Was it a Blue Racer or a Side Winder? It was too dark for anyone to tell.

          The funny thing is, they never called my mom or told her about it. They bandaged it up and wouldn’t let me swim the rest of the week. When I told my mom on the way home– remember she’s a nurse – she found it all very hard to believe until I showed her the wounds and bandages.

           So, God had again spared my life and was preparing me to trust Him over and over.The outcome could have been much different. God did this many times—spared my life and taught me to trust Him in difficult situations. He did this when I lived in Chicago with my Dad’s abuse and drinking problem. He did in our moves and now He did it with a snake. But I still didn’t know it was Him.

Teacher Lippy Hangs Clothespins on My Ears and Nose, Gives X’s, Y’s, and Z’s, and Tries to Date my Mom

OK, so you probably know there are some unusual teachers out there. Guess that’s always been true. Let me tell you about one of the most attention-grabbing teachers I've ever had. Lippy’s real name was Mr. Lipniski, but he told us to call him Lippy because it was easier to say. He created a “Doodlebug Club” that you could join by getting points for doing good work and good behavior. Everybody wanted to be in that club because of the prizes. He loved his students but was not afraid to give the discipline needed. 

One day in class, a girl friend and I decided to set up a clothes line between our desks. We thought this would be an excellent and quiet way to send notes. To accom­plish this I brought in rope to connect our two desks and then clothespins to hang our messages with. Lippy must have watched our scheme with amuse­ment, and then boldly came to “my” desk, and picked up the clothespins, and hung them on my ears and nose! Totally embarrassing and it hurt. It didn’t take long to learn never to do that again. Today it would probably cause a lawsuit. My third grade twin grandsons, Isaac and Ethan, drew their ideas for what they thought it must have looked like.

Another day, report card day, he passed out everyone’s report cards and let us open them in class. My grades, along with three other outstanding students who normally had excellent grades, were all X’s, Y’s and Z’s! That was a severe blow to the pride of a budding five star learner. Even though he gave out the real report cards before we went home, I never took grades for granted after that.

Lippy also knew we were poor and one day he turned up at our back door with a bag of groceries for us. We were all excited to have some food we wouldn't regularly eat. Then he started asking my mom out on dates. Things changed after that. I don’t know what happened, but the school year ended and we didn’t see him anymore.

My sister’s only memory of early school years was “during art class and we were painting. The teacher thought I had committed some offense (I don't remember what it was), but I hadn't done what she thought and kept telling her so. But she was determined to make me confess and hounded me for days about it. I was quite traumatized over it. Maybe that's why I never liked art to this day! Such an impact these things have on young minds.”

 Last night I had a dream. In the dream I was walking home to our place on Harvard St., with a house key hanging around my neck. When I got to the door of our place, the door was open and it scared me. There was a child (a boy I think) and adult coming out the door. I started to call out loudly in a wobbly voice, “Hello.”  Then I awoke and don't remember anymore. SO, here’s the strange part--in my dream, I actually called aloud a wobbly “Hello” and woke up my sleeping husband! When I woke up I remembered that in fifth grade I could finally walk my sister to school and home again and look after her in our own place. Previously, for two years, we were in a school that had child care and it was pretty chaotic there so my mother was glad when I was old enough to watch my sister at home.  

  During this time, and the years to come, my mother worked for the Pasadena Public Health Department. She had a friend there who had a daughter a little older than me. The woman was quite wealthy and she gave mom all her daughter’s clothes she no longer wanted. These were highly treasured. I remember one skirt that was felt and had a French Poodle on it. the picture below I found online, of course!

Then when I outgrew them, Nancy got them. Treasures in the midst of the journey. We got new clothes once a year--3 dresses at the beginning of the school year from either Robert Hall's or JC Penneys.  Here's a picture of me with my mom. I had on one of my new dresses, and I think I was about ten years old. My mom was very short--only 4'10', and I was almost as tall as her already.