A Wise and Caring Woman, a Dorcas, a Woman Who Loved without Expectations: My Mom

The rest of summer 1978 was a blur. From the time we got the phone call, learning from the doctor that my mom had from 2 months to 2 years to live, life was a blur. How could my mom, a nurse, not know that something was seriously wrong with her body, especially large tumors. I wrote, “My heart is broken and I’m missing her already. I called her this morning and she seems to be doing well, though weak. She cried at the end of our conversation. And I cried when I hung up. My prayer is that He will spare her much suffering, but allow that which will make her ready to enter His Home with joy and peace and confidence.”

My sister Nancy remembers that she was in her last months pregnant with Daniel. "Mom had planned to come and spend some time with us when he was born (as she had for each of her grandchildren) but was not feeling well, so decided she ought to go to the doctor to get checked out before she made the trip. That's when they discovered the cancer--she never did get to meet Daniel as he wasn't born until November."

I wish you could have known my mom. If you've read this blog from the beginning, you know that she rescued my sister and me from an alcoholic abusive situation and divorced my dad when I had just turned six and my sister was two and one half and moved us all the way from Illinois, where she grew up, to California, where she'd never been.

Divorce was rare in those days and my mom was a very brave woman. Not only did she work to make enough money for a roof over our heads and food on the table (sometimes not much), but she made sure both Nancy and I had the skills needed to live in our society. At this point she was not yet a follower of Jesus. We went to church only at Easter and on Christmas.

But here are just a few of the things she did for us without any support:

• "Let's make a deal!" Mom taught us to sew--so we could make our own dresses and even coats. Here's how she did it: She said if we learned to sew our own clothes, she would provide the fabric, zippers, buttons or whatever we needed, but if we wanted to buy our clothes we would need to earn the money and buy them ourselves. My sister says this lesson still plays a big part in her heart and life. What a lesson to treasure! (Plus one of my coats won a city-wide award for $10. This was a big deal back then!)
• She gave me piano lessons and my sister accordion lessons (yes, we even did duets!) up through high school.
• She made sure we exercised (with her and TV man Jack LaLane) and that we ate healthy (we loved everything except liver once a week).
• She rewarded good grades with money. She wanted us to do well.
• She took us on a vacation for one week every year to broaden our knowledge of the world. Sometimes we went to a beach like Carpinteria, or Catalina Island. We especially loved the mountains too. Sequoia National Park and Yosemite were favorites.
• She made sure we participated in Camp Fire Girls and spent time at the Y during the summer. And she signed me up for summer classes in everything from cooking to poise lessons and even cake decorating.
• She made sure we had swimming lessons every year, til we got to the Advanced levels, and even life saving. We dove off of the high dive and loved to swim. I still swim and it is the one exercise I can still do with all my physical limitations.

She did all this on a single woman's income. And she told us we needed to select a career that would stand us in good stead if our world ever dropped out from under us. She advised us to consider nursing, as she and my aunt had. My sister chose this route, though I elected to follow my passion of working with and teaching kids.

So, with such a rich history, and having been away many years in Nepal and now Mexico, I loved her very much and knew I wanted to go be with her, desperately wanted to be there, but wasn't sure when or how we could afford the trip. My sister, Nancy (remember, she’s a nurse), would stay the first week after surgery. The question of when I should go was before us. You might remember, she and husband Lloyd had been to visit us in Mexico just four months ago.

On July 18th, two days after I'd just learned about my mom, Nancy called and told me that mom's surgery was scheduled for the very next day. I later wrote, “What a week. I’d forgotten how wacky my emotions can get. The surgery showed things worse than expected. They did 3 by-passes and said it's just a matter of months, possibly less. I called mom yesterday and she cried again and became incoherent. That Saturday Dow prayed for the mantle of joy to be upon me, and to even share this with mom. But one day I'm up and the next quite low. Keep me, Lord, close to You. But I'm so grateful God has us here in Norman."

Then the Lord provided the finances for the trip from a dear friend and we scheduled the flight so I would get there after my sister's week with her. As Bill and I were fasting for the upcoming trip, the Lord made it clear that the reason I was going was just to be with her for a week, to love her, and give her joy.

I wrote, "We had such a beautiful week together--a treasure for sure. It was a strange experience, for I knew that life was flowing from me to her and we shared deeply. She knows Him and is ready to be with Him. But she's going through so much suffering and that's what hurts to watch. She seems to be going downhill fast. Last night I dreamed she hugged me, told me she loved me, and died. I tried to tell her to fight for life, but she seemed to know the truth and was being released to Him."

I spent the week in the hospital with her, reading Scripture to her. And I recorded the book of John on a cassette for her, so she could listen to my voice while she listened to His. I heard the Lord speak gently, "I AM pleased that I am receiving another daughter into my eternal Kingdom Home--to praise me forever. She is a jewel--rare and tenderhearted. Her spirit is broken, but I will mend it and give her a new garment of joy. The hurts and agonies of her past are with Me. Leave them there and go in peace."

After a week I returned to Norman, glad to be with my husband and children, but just in time to wrap up the summer, pack all our belongings, and head back to Mexico. When we got to the border I called mom's doctor and told him where we were headed and asked if we should do this or return to California. He said Mom would be OK for awhile and I should to go to Mexico. So we did.

August 22 I wrote, "So much has happened. We're back in Mexico after a good trip and a good visit with Dudley and Mona Henderson on the way from Norman to Mexico. They showed us the slides of Kissan's baptism--what a joy! My mom continues with more chemotherapy and is very weak." On August 26th I got a letter saying she was home from the hospital, and so we rejoiced, and settled into our small one bedroom efficiency place.

September 10 I wrote: "Friday night Nancy called and said mom was back in the hospital with a perforated colon and congestive heart failure. she called again today at 4 a.m. and said Mom just went Home with the Lord, in her sleep. She is not here, she is Risen with Him. Her pain is gone and I saw in my heart's mind her welcome into heaven, with trumpets and she was given royal robes and she was well and happy, with Him to receive her with 'Well done, good and faithful servant.' My heart is glad for her, I just wish I could have been there."

 

"We went to the airport this morning, and because our student papers are in transit, they won't let me out of the country. So we'll try again tomorrow to get a flight to San Diego to be with Nancy. How thankful I am for the week Mom and I had together. And I heard the Lord say, "She is with ME. Look up and be glad. She is healed and whole and triumphant. She isn't sorry now, not one iota. Let me give you joy for sorrow and a light heart of peace for the spirit of heaviness."

So I finally made it out of the country, just in time to arrive for mom's memorial service and time with the family. This was the end of one era of my life. How thankful I am for my mother, a wise woman, a Dorcas, and her input of love into my life. She was loving and caring and God's gift to me and many others. Thank you, Lord, for the gift you gave me in my mother. And one day I will again thank her in person, with great joy.